The Good, the Bad and... well that's it.

Stuff I like about London:




1. Not getting sunburnt.


2. Being able to go and see good theatre on a Tuesday night.


3. In any direction you look there's a pub within 100 yards. (yes, I'm all Imperial now)


4. You can buy booze at the supermarket.


5. There's a museum for EVERYTHING.


6. You don't really need a car.


7. There's at least three hours of Top Gear on TV every single day.


8. Lots of pretty old buildings. As in, they're pretty, and they're old. 


9. Hearing pretty much every language in the world spoken on the Tube.


10. Central heating.




Stuff I don't like about London:




1. Not being able to feel my toes.


2. Being unintentionally groped on the Tube during peak hour.


3. Uneven, ankle-hating pavements.


4. The mountain of paperwork needed to get anything even vaguely official done. 


5. Chicken bones on the footpath on a Sunday morning. 


6. Tourists.


7. Slow walkers. 


8. Street canvassers. No, you can't have my money!


9. People shouting at their kids. All the freaking time.


10. The black shit that comes out when you blow your nose.

Internet Dating, or, What the Hell Am I Doing?

Look, I don't know what possessed me... I've joined internet dating sites before and it ended badly, so why did I think it was a good idea?


I guess I thought maybe since I'm in London and new to the city it'd be a good way to meet people. Sure, if you want those people to be overweight IT consultants who can barely spell. I mean, I'm young, I'm attractive, educated, funny - surely there are some nice guys out there who aren't a little bit socially retarded, mind-bogglingly unattractive or lacking one or both testicles. 


So, in the interests of putting it out into the universe, and maybe assisting those who are thinking of signing up, here are a few tips for the gentlemen out there in cyber-dating-land.


1. LEARN TO SPELL. Seriously. Punctuation and grammar don't hurt either.


2. Smile in your pic. You may think you look sexy, but you probably look like you've injected Botox with a horse syringe. Especially if ALL your pics are like that. 


3. If you message someone and they don't reply, it's probably because they're not interested. Messaging again won't help. Nor will continual pokes. Get the hint. 


4. Don't lie about your age. When your profile says 28 but your pic looks 45, there's something wrong. 


5. Posting pics of your car/boat/guitar isn't going to win you points, it's going to make you look like a douche.


6. I don't want to read an essay in the 'about me' section. That being said, putting 'I don't know what to write in these things, so yeah - message me' isn't terribly informative. It also makes you sound incredibly boring. 


7. Please don't message me offering sex. There are other places I can go for that. 


Now then. Hopefully someone out there will get the memo and send me some vaguely enticing messages. 


I may be waiting a while...

London, Centre of the Universe

I'M FINALLY HERE!


Not without incident, mind you.


I was packed and ready and at the airport when an over-zealous Airline staff member freaked me the hell out by telling me that I'd have problems entering the UK with only a one-way ticket. FUCKING HELL! I'd been so thorough in my research and pre-planning, I didn't think anything of this nature could occur, and nobody that I spoke to, including the Home Office, said anything indicating problems. 


So, I predictably spent a lot of the next 20 hours or so worrying about being denied entry and sent back to Oz forthwith. The flight wasn't bad - I did manage to get some sleep, and I bonded in an unspoken long-haul flight kinda way with the two gentlemen sitting next to me, finished my first Kindle book (ooh, I have a kindle!) and watched The Social Network (which was great).


I needn't have worried, because despite filling in my entry card wrong (oops!), the nice man at passport control gave me a stamp and sent me on my way. 


HUZZAH!


Then came the challenge of navigating the Tube to meet my friend Daniel, who I am now staying with. My stupid phone didn't have International Roaming on (stupid Optus, they are ruining my life), so I had to buy a vending machine SIM card, wait for it to activate, and in the meantime use the airport public internet to try to contact Daniel via facebook. 


So, lugging my luggage (oh wow, that's why they call it luggage) onto the Heathrow Express and armed with my awesome London Underground iPhone app, headed towards Kings Cross. I'd expected to have to change trains along the line, but definitely wasn't prepared to drag my (overweight) luggage up and down stairs. Omg, London - get some more lifts already.


Luckily I was saved not once, but twice, by handsome young Knights In Shining Armour. Yes, my friends, these nice young men saw a Damsel in Distress (me) and gallantly came to my aid. AND they were HOT. Sadly, they then disappeared into the night, but the experience (twice!) gave me hope that there are nice men out there, and apparently in higher proportions than in other places I've been. 


That was last night. Today I spent the day gawping like a tourist at the sights of London and wandering around aimlessly. The greyness of the day didn't bother me in the slightest, as I could happily wander for as long as I liked without fear of getting sunburned. Frostbite, on the other hand, was a distinct possibility. It is fucking cold in London right now. Going from 39 degrees to four is not the best of experiences, and I'm sure my body is going 'Um, excuse me, but WTF?'. 


Oh well. I can handle a bit of cold, dammit!